Thoughts on Social Anxiety

This post is one I really hope will go down well. I'm going to talk about something that has plagued and crippled me for a very long time. I suffer from social anxiety. Whenever it comes to meeting new people, the idea scares me. The thought of befriending someone I don't know very well scares me. Even the thought of seeing someone I know in a social situation scares me, unless they are a very good friend of mine. With this post I want to try and help people who are social anxious themselves and others who know someone who is socially anxious.

To all those who are socially anxious, I would offer the following pieces of advice. First, make sure you're with a friend who knows you well and who excels in the social situations you struggle with. The confidence they have will have an affect on you and you will start to feel more confident with them. Second, if you feel like you need a drink or something else to help yourself out, then have a drink. Sure getting absolutely plastered will only serve to give you a false sense of confidence. A drink or two on the other hand gives you a slight boost, yet you remain in control and aware. Treat these like training wheels on a bike. Sure you want them at first, but always aim to be confident without them. Third, realise that you are as valuable as you make yourself. If you start dressing nicely, smelling good, keeping to a vision you have for yourself, others will see it too. With confidence, pretend to have confidence. I am painfully aware of how hard this is. My recommendation would be to create a character for yourself. I do this myself. Steven Rowing becomes Steven Rivers, a man who knows no anxiety. Somehow playing a character helps the situation as it is no longer you being judged by those you are meeting. Eventually you will come to realise that the character doesn't exist and that it is and always has been you. 

To those who know someone who is socially anxious, you must know this above all: It's not just shyness. These people feel a genuine fear of what might happen during these encounters. Have patience with them. They are more often than not, low on self-esteem and a friend on their side is what they need (don't over do it though). Try and include them in what is happening, but don't force it. Bear in mind that they are probably relying on you to be their friend in this giant mess they've found themselves in. Another thing to bear in mind is that they are probably there because they are trying to overcome their anxiety. It may look like they are falling flat on their faces, but this is down to a lack of knowing what to do. They lack the knowledge you might take for granted. You might even be unaware of how you know what to do in these situations. Be there for them, build them up and alway remember that they are trying.

I really can't stress enough how important this is to me. I also can't stress enough how hard I have found it especially living in a foreign country. I really hope that I've helped someone with this article in some small way. Remember, we are trying, just be patient with us!